PARENT COMMUNICATION TIPS
WHEN GIVING PRAISE:
Most important rule: Use statements that deal only with child’s efforts and accomplishments, not with his character or personality.
Be specific and concrete.
AVOID ASKING QUESTIONS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (PARTICULARLY “WHY?” QUESTIONS:
Questions place the child-on the defensive.
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT:
Look for strengths in child and opportunities to “stroke” desired behaviors. It’s very easy to become too focused on negative behaviors.
MAKE DISTINCTION BETWEEN FEELINGS AND ACTIONS:
Feelings need to be identified and acknowledged; undesirable actions may have to be limited, stopped or redirected.
MAKE RULES:
Make rules that are specific, behavioral and concrete.
SAY WHAT YOU WANT (NOT WHAT YOU DON’T WANT)
State things positively.
ACT INSTEAD OF TALKING:
After you have said what you want, if not forthcoming, do something.
STAY IN CHARGE:
In order to get the behavior you want, expect to enforce it!
FOLLOW THROUGH:
If you say something will happen, e.g. a consequence, make it happen.
MHN: Family Communication Page 13
SUPPORT EACH OTHER:
Make rules that you both believe in and feel okay about enforcing.
AVOID MIXING NURTURING AND ENFORCEMENT:
Provide nurturing at other times.
SET REASONABLE LIMITS ON CHILD’S ACTIONS:
Make very clear and explicit.
MODEL THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR YOU WANT:
“Don’t do as I do, do as I say” simply doesn’t work.
WORK ON VERY SPECIFIC BEHAVIORS, ONE AT A-TIME:
Avoid talking in global terms or using judgmental words.
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
Should be fairly immediate or close (in time) to specific behavior.
WITHDRAWAL FROM THE SITUATION:
When you feel your continued presence will only reinforce the behavior and/or escalate into a power struggle.
REFRAIN FROM ACTING ON YOUR FIRST IMPULSE:
Think about what you would normally do, then do something different, perhaps the opposite.
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